my Big Mama was a ninja. Seriously. She could use anything in the house - be it on the wall or in a drawer - to kick ass. Many times, I took a sppon to the back of the head or a drop cord to the hamstring. No Joke. Granny would send you outside to get your own switch, and God forbid you came in the house with a vine or aweak piece of pine. That’s when she’d reach behind her head and pull a stick outta nowhere, like fucking Highlander. Before she died, I watched her fuck my uncle up - and he was like 50. Big Mama (6′2 and 300 lbs of diabetic, pancake making love) played no games. She kicked much ass and made no apologies. If your kid was within range, he might get taken down by a church high-heel shoe and beaten with diner plate.

Such is the way of discipline.

But now, it looks like someone is teaching old folks to kick ass. Apparently this got big as Senior centers and retirement communities began  looking for new ways to promote exercise. The Darkside is down with this. We always support the act of empowering victims. No one can stop a old person from carrying their canes. Maybe had there been a few can wielding badasses, the 911 tragedy could have been averted.We still have no idea how someone hijacks a plane with box cutters. You couldn’t take our lunch money with no stinking box cutter, let alone run our plane into a building.

We have been looking into studying the martial arts with the little ones. Krav Maga looks good, but the only instructor is in Charleston, 109 miles away. Juijitsu looks promising.

Question of the day: good idea or bad idea to teach old people to kick ass with the weapons they have at hand. I think my Big Mama could have taught this class. She raised 6 boys.